If someone you love confides in you about divorce it can be a little difficult to know what to say to comfort them or how to support them in the coming months or even years. Our Calgary mediators have put together their top 5 tips to help you navigate this uncertain time to help keep your friends sanity as well as your own.
While it may be very easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of emotions and engage in a pity party and trash talking over a bottle of wine – this isn’t a productive way to help either party. While it is healthy for your friend to vent and sort out their emotions, you don’t always know the full story or have the skills to help them manage their emotions. As such, if you find yourself consistently in this position - it may be time to recommend a therapist. As well, the parties could decide to reconcile down the road and any harsh remarks you make in the heat of the moment can be hard to take back if you find yourself sitting across the dinner table from the couple who decided to get back together. Further, if engage and list of all the reasons why your friends ex isn’t right for them – it may make it hard for them to confine in you in the future when things are going amicably.
Likely, if your friend is going through a divorce you have spent some time with their ex-partner and may even have formed a friendship of your own. This may make you feel caught in the middle of your loyalty to your friend and saving a relationship with their ex. Try to remain neutral in social settings if you are all involve and ensure you a cordial to both parties. If you are hosting an event and want both parties to attend ensure you let them both know that they are invited so that they can decide if they want to attend on their own and are not faced with a surprise run in.
One of the most frustrating things we deal with is working with parties who question our opinions because their friend went through a divorce and did abc while we are advocating that they do xyz. Every single relationship is different so it makes sense that all separations will be different too and require unique legal strategies. If you want a second opinion on – seek one – just make sure it’s from someone with an educated understanding of family law matters. At Jones Divorce Mediation we often encourage our clients to seek second opinions if we feel like they are no on board with our advice. This can come from another mediator or a divorce lawyer from a family law firm. Our main focus as Calgary mediators is to ensure that you have all of the information you need to feel confident making decisions.
A divorce is a devastating life event and can be emotionally draining on the parties involved. One of the best things you can do to help is assist with some of the mundane daily tasks such as bringing over some ready-to-heat meals, offering to do some baby sitting or just taking the time to visit with your friend so that they know they are not alone.
When the time comes that your friend is ready to put themselves back on the dating market, be encouraging and open minded. They likely haven’t been on a date in years and the idea of small talk and getting to know someone new can be very daunting. You can also help your friend by being their safe contact and having them text you when they get home safely at night or have a code word if they need you to help put an end to a disastrous date. Try your best to have fun with your friend as they embark on this journey.
Our roles as Calgary mediators is to help you achieve meaning access to justice, but we know how important it is to have support during this difficult time. We always encourage clients to ensure they have a position support system in place to help with the emotion impact of a divorce - she we can focus on the legal proceedings. Connect with us today to set up your free initial consultation.