Co-Parenting Isn't Always Easy, But It's Always Worth It
Divorce can be an extremely difficult transition for the entire family. However, when the splitting parties commit to co-parenting in an amicable manner, it helps make the separation easier for everyone involved. It takes a lot of patience, organization and most importantly communication to become successful co-parents. Our team of lawyers have provided their insight into what co-parents can do to succeed in helping their children adapt to this change.
Children Will Grieve A Divorce Much Like The Loss Of A Parent
You're children are used to having the whole family under one roof. When one party decided to move out there is a huge transition in the family dynamic. Kids are going to feel like they are losing a member of the family - even if the other parent only moves a short distance away. It's important to recognize and validate your children's negative emotions. The stages of grief are as follows:
- denial and isolation;
- depression; and
While not every person will experience every stage, it's important to know what to expect from your children when you first decide to separate. Let your children know both parents are committed to being there for them and make sure you follow through. If your children are having a tough time talking to your or your ex about their feelings it may be a good idea to help them find someone they trust outside of the family unit.
Share Responsibility And Let Go Of The Past
While it's easy to get heated in a back-and-forth blame game, it's not going to change the current situation. For the benefit of your children agree to disagree and do not waste time playing the blame game. The more time you spend pointing fingers and making accusations, the less time you have to enjoy your kids. It's important that you never blame your parent for causing the separation in front of your children. Present a united front and agree to move forward in an amicable manner.
Establish Your New Relationship as Co-Parents
We recommend setting guidelines and expectations of your new role as co-parents. Be very clear about things such as consistency in discipline or expectations in each home. Children will benefit from having a routine that is enforced in each household. Do not disregard the other co-parent's rules or undermine their authority by allowing children to stay up later at your house, or buying them things the other parent has prohibited.. The more you plan for you, the less problems you will have down the road. Â You may choose to have these guidelines go through your lawyers and included in your parenting plan.
Foster An Environment of Respect
It easiest to co-parent with someone whom share a mutual respect. This means no bad mouthing each other in front of the kids, or allowing anyone else to either. Do not make plans or schedule vacations during the other parents parenting time. And never make unilateral decisions regarding the kids. You do not always have to agree about every issue. But, you should always be respectful of each others decisions and back them up when the children are involved.
Traditional Divorce or Mediation?
Many couples are not fully aware of their options for divorce in Alberta. others are aware, but are not sure if traditional divorce is right for them, or if alternative routes such as mediation or arbitration may be better fitting for their situation. Traditional divorce involves arguments, battles for rights and judges making decisions that affect the lives of entire families. In a litigated divorce, once-loving partners can become bitter rivals focused only upon themselves. This method of divorce is not only unhealthy, it is outdated. Approaching a divorce from a cooperative stance is a far superior means of dissolving a union. More attorneys are recommending this approach every day. Here are some of the benefits of collaborative divorce.
Maintaining a Partnership During Divorce
One of the most important advantages of collaboration is that you maintain your partnership. This can be vital in cases where there are shared assets such as a business, or where children are involved. In the case of custody rights, your children need to view you as putting them first and presenting a unified front as parents, even if your romantic association is ending. A collaborative divorce allows the kids to see you working together to sort out your differences, and this makes all the difference in the world.
Private Beneficial Resolution with Mediation
A non-adversarial divorce like collaboration or mediation allows parties to sit down in private and hash out the details as are best for them. In a litigated process, a judge makes the final call, and this may not be the most advantageous result for either partner. By talking out your differences and allowing for compromise, a result can be obtained that is near-ideal for everyone involved.
In addition, this sort of divorce protects your privacy. Nobody needs to go through your emails, phone records or social media accounts because there is no combat involved. When no one needs to gain an upper hand, no one needs to be hurt. Protection of privacy is almost always preferred.
Cost Savings with Divorce Mediation
Litigation costs a lot of money. Not only are there attorney fees, but there are court fees, document filing fees and the potential to lose money in the proceedings themselves. Approaching the split from the standpoint of collaboration allows parties to save money across the board.
Mediation Can Be Faster and Less Stressful
Working together can be much faster than fighting it out in court. You both come together, are able to see each otherâ€™s point of view without outside interference and do so in a place of your choosing. If you both have a favorite cafÃ©, it can be much nicer and less stressful to meet there than in a corporate office.
In a mediation process, youÂ both can remain more relaxed and maintain a greater degree of control over how your separation works out. Signing a legally binding agreement upon which you both have agreed is far preferable than having one adjudicated by the courts.
If you have any questions about the process of collaborative divorce, we can help. Connect with our expert team of mediators today to learn more about mediation and if it may a fit for you. Get started with Jones Divorce Mediation Inc. by booking a complimentary consultation.
What is divorce mediation?
Mediation is a process of dispute resolution in which parties to a conflict agree to work with an impartial third party called the mediator. Divorce Mediation is a type of despite resolution where a mediator assists a divorcing couple in coming to an agreement on issues or matters related to their divorce.Â The mediator assists the partiesÂ in reaching a mutually agreeable resolution by coaching themÂ on the essential tools for a successful mediation, guiding them through the mediation process, providing general information, and facilitating a meaningful discussion and analysis of the issues.
How long does mediation take?
The processes provided by Jones Divorce Mediation Inc. can take anywhere from several hours to several weeks. A matter that takes a few months is possible, but that would be considered very long.
The length of the process varies depending on the number of issues requiring resolution, the complexity of those issues, the degree of amicability, the level of entrenchment in positions at the commencement of mediation, the timing of mediation (eg. over Christmas, Spring Break or Summer vacations), and whether experts are required.
What are the advantages of mediation for my divorce?
There are several advantages of mediationÂ over traditional litigation when dealing with matters of divorce. Length of time can certainly be considered one of the advantages of mediationÂ when working through your separation or divorce. Control, affordability, confidentiality, and personal attention are other strong advantages of mediation when compared to traditional litigation. See our post on the advantages of divorce mediation here.
To learn more about the divorceÂ mediationÂ process and to find out if mediationÂ may be the right fit for your divorce or separation,Â connect with our team to book an initial consultation and get startedÂ with our expert team.