Do's and Don'ts of Parenting After Divorce
Let's face it - parenting is tough under regular circumstances, let alone when you are trying to parent during or after a divorce. Â There are many emotions that arise from divorce from the perspective of children, parents, and surrounding family. Here are a few tips from our team that can help you navigate parenting after divorce. Feel free to share this article with your former partner or spouse, as well as with your children and supporting family to discuss how these might impact your family.
- Don't talk about the divorce with your kids until they are ready. Let your children know that you are here for them, offer them other age-appropriate resources, and invite them to discuss the divorce when they are ready - don't push it on them.
- Don't talk negatively about your ex. This can be extremely difficult during a divorce, but it is crucial that you keep your feelings about your ex partner or spouse away from the ears of your children. Remember, that person is their loving parent, too. You will undoubtedly need an outlet to "vent" about your ex, but make sure that is never in front of your children.
- Don't introduce your kids to a new partner too soon. Accepting a new significant other or partnerÂ in the family dynamic can be difficult for kids, particularly immediately following divorce or separation. Recognize that this may causes many emotions and possible stress in the family. Read more about when and how to introduce kids to a new partner here.
- Embrace change. Talk to your kids about the changes in the family and household, and acknowledge their feelings about your divorce. Talk openly and honestly when they are ready, without getting into your own personal fears or resentment - focus on how they are feeling and how you can support this change.
- Keep the structure. Divorce can bring an onset of tumultuous emotions and children often act out as a means of working through these emotions or seeking attention. Keeping structure and accountability is key, while providing support and resources for them to air frustrations, talk about their feelings and create structured solutions to help them cope.
Are you going through a divorce or separation? Have you considered mediation to support your dispute resolution? Learn more about our mediation services here. Click here to book a complimentary consultation with our expert team to take the next step.
Dating after a divorce can beÂ complicated, especially when you have children in the picture. You want them to like the new person in your life, but your kids are your life. Keeping the complications to a minimum means keeping several things in mind. Here are some thingsÂ to consider before bringing your kids and a new partner together, so you can keep the peace and harmony in your family.
Kids and a New Partner
There are tons of questions to think about when you bring together kids and a new partner. Is it too soon? What if they donâ€™t like your significant other? Whatâ€™s the best way to introduce everyone? What if your kids are confused? How do you deal with anger? Read on for more detailsÂ on these important considerations.
Is This Going to Last?
Are you getting serious with your new relationship? Is there a chance of getting serious? Introducing your kids to every single person with whom you go to the movies may not be the best idea. They could assume that nobody is going to stick around. The moment you and your new significant other talk about getting serious, though, discussions of meeting the family should come into play.
How Long Has It Been?
Have you been with your new partner for a month? Six months? A year? Only you know how long is â€œlong enough,â€ but if you go too long without introducing your significant other to your kids, they may think youâ€™re hiding something. At some point it becomes necessary to admit that yes, this is a serious thing.
How Old Are They?
Kids are resilient, but their attitudes and outlooks change significantly as they age. Younger kids are much more likely to accept a new person in their life more quickly, but will also have a harder time letting go if that new person leaves.
Older kids, on the other hand, may be more skeptical and distant with the new entry, but may also form close and long-term bonds if things work out. If you have teens, you may have an important opportunity to set a good example for positive dating relationships.
What Does Your Ex Think?
Your exâ€™s opinion doesnâ€™t define your lifeâ€”that ended when your marriage did. However, both you and they are still partners in raising your children, and you should both still value each otherâ€™s opinions. Take some time to talk with your ex about your new relationship. Consider even introducing your new partner to your ex before you do so to the kids. You may gainÂ some insight you hadnâ€™t yet considered.
Healing after divorce is a long process and new relationships are a part of that journey. If you would like more advice on finding yourself after the end of your marriage,Â contact us for information on how a mediated divorce can help you salvage something of your lost relationship. We offer a complimentary initial consultation to discuss your specific questions and concerns, and to help us get started. Click here to book your initial consultation.
Are you seeking resources to support you in your divorce or prepare for mediation or arbitration?
Jones Divorce Mediation Inc. has a number books on mediation, collaboration, dispute resolution, effective communication and parenting that we make available to our clients. We also have information brochures and communication skills workbooks available. Clients are welcome to borrow books from our library at any time. Here are 5 titles from our collection that you may find helpful in preparing for your mediation or arbitration, as well as after your divorce.
For many people, Valentine's Day can be a tough time of year, especially of you are newly divorced or going through a separation. Love is in the air and romance seems to abound - for everyone but you, it mayÂ seem.Â The painful experience of divorce can leave you feeling hopeless, alone and guarded against future relationships. Love might seem too far off to even consider. It is important to understand that no matter what happened in your previous relationship, love is always possible, along with happiness and trust.Â Here are ourÂ remaining tips to start your journey toward finding love again. These might not come into play in time for Valentine's Day, but will hopefully get you thinking in the right direction.
You can readÂ Part 1 of this article here, with our first 2 tips on how to start looking for love again after divorce.
- No Blind Searching
Going to events or places that attract only singles may seem like a good idea that gives you an abundance of choices. But, people who begin their new dating process by frequenting singles clubs, or limiting themselves to blind dates are often highly discouraged, almost immediately retreating back behind their walls.
The best way to find a person who is compatible with yourself is to look in places that nurture what you love in life. Join clubs that feed your desires and interests, you are very likely to meet other singles who share your hobbies. Online dating is a great, modern alternative to meeting new people. Forums and dating sites take away the anxiety that comes with meeting others face to face. You can find people with shared beliefs and interests while sitting in the comfort of your own home.
- No Excuses
If you are ready and you want a partner to spend your life with, do not let your excuses stop you from realizing that dream. Love is probably not going to show up on your doorstep. Make the time to put yourself out there and meet new people. Your expectations may be low, but the rewards that come with letting go of the things that hold you back from finding new love far exceed the negative possibilities.
- Get Excited
Dating is fun, from the butterflies to the goodbyes that leave you smiling at your doorstep. Deciding to date again after divorce should be an experience that excites you. Start the process with feelings of joy, happiness and anticipation of what awesome opportunities this could bring to your future.
Let yourself shine as you begin your search for a new love after divorce mediation. You deserve the fun and happiness the experience can bring. For more tips for healing and beginning again after going through a divorce,Â visit our blog.
Are you going through a separation or a divorce? Are you interested in learning your options and how divorce mediation or arbitration might be helpful to you? Connect with our team to set up a complimentary consultation today.