There is no such thing as an easy divorce. While one person rarely carries all the blame, there are circumstances where psychological problems between the couple become too much to bear. When one spouse suffers from a mental illness such as borderline, histrionic, antisocial or narcissistic personality disorder, the conflict can reach new levels. These individuals are referred to by attorneys as High Conflict People, or HCPs. Here are some things you should know about dealing with HCPs in a divorce mediation.
While those with the above-listed Cluster B personality disorders are classic examples of HCPs, a disorder is not necessarily a prerequisite for high conflict. Many people who are not diagnosed with a mental illness can still exhibit a chronic capacity to place blame, emotional outbursts, pessimistic thinking, a lack of willingness to accept responsibility for actions or absolutism in thought and action.
While you may be dealing with a split in property or possessions, or financial issues such as child support or alimony or even custody problems, the actual problem on the table could be personality conflict. In fact, most disagreements have personality at their core. If the divorce is being dragged out, you may be dealing with a high conflict person.
Why would an HCP want to drag out an already painful situation? There are multiple reasons this may occur.
If you are dealing with a high conflict situation, the best things you can do are stay the course and pick your battles. Let your attorney know what the non-negotiable areas are for you. If you have any leverage against this person, be willing to use it. Pick your battles wisely â€” give a little to get a lot in the end. Any time you reach an agreement, put it in writing and get a binding signature.
Finally, remember that you are getting divorced. Itâ€™s time to let go of this person and not allow them to push your buttons. Itâ€™s almost over and the finish line is in sight.
Have you had issues with high conflict persons in a divorce situation? We would be interested to hear your story. Leave us a comment below!